it’s 2023 and dan and phil have uploaded a halloween baking video with dan in a slutty nun costume and eyeshadow and they’re both out as gay i’m so glad to be in this timeline
i like the Hunger Games a lot but im always gonna be a little bitter it took off when her Underland Chronicles never did. those books were so good and so fucked up. snippets of spoilers for a 20 year old book series for middle schoolers ahead:
cockroaches the size of horses who talk and are actually super chill and great babysitters for human toddlers. these books are the only reason i dont have nightmares about cockroaches anymore
cannibalism happens a lot. at one point a rat the size of a bison says “man go ahead and eat your dead friend, we wont judge” to a spider, who then proceeds to eat her dead friend. everyone but the rat judges.
another rat, who is still relatively a baby, is found later eating his babysitter’s liver in an attempt to hide the body.
dude, pandoras death was so fucked up. “wow an island! im starving im gonna have a snack. brb guys” flies a little bit over, is immediately devoured in seconds by bugs and her skeleton crashes into the jungle below
plague book! humans try to commit genocide and blame it on bugs
hey. hey eleven year old. kill this tiny baby screaming for his mother. he sounds just like your baby sister you think just died horribly. kill this baby with a sword. you didnt? you didnt kill a sobbing baby who watched his mother die? we’re putting you on trial for treason and will execute you
baby rat gone insane, now 15’ tall and leading an army, ripping the head off of his friend/gaslighter, immediately heartbreakingly asking where she went, and then finding the head and accusing a twelve year old boy of doing it
dude gregor is eleven and in the first book willingly leaps off a cliff to his death (despite it being his worst fear) in the hopes itll stop his two year old sister boots from being graphically torn apart and eaten, like he has seen happen to others
thalia’s death. they dont just kill unnamed children (they do absolutely kill a lot of unnamed babies onscreen) they also kill beloved named children
“the fireflies had to gnaw ares’ claw off of his corpse bc you wouldnt let go of your friends claw. its been almost three weeks and the viscera has dried and glued it to your grip. we cant get it off without breaking your finger. you gotta let go of your friends corpse, twelve year old boy”
twitchtip.
forcing the twelve year old into a prophesied battle where he will die, and making him dissociate so hard for months he blankly allows others to make him cause/be complicit in war crimes
HAHA HEY THE SAPIENT, INTELLIGENT MICE DYING BY THE HUNDREDS SUFFOCATING ON POISON GAS WHILE A TODDLER SINGS A NURSERY SONG ABOUT THE MICE DYING.
the six year old boy losing literally everyone hes ever known and cared for over and over again
just so much violent gore and death for middle schoolers, man. i love it.
hey that was objectively a good and well done ending. and i also loved it. but “hey gregor my husband was in the war. he had ptsd that will never go away just like you” hey hes twelve :( someone help him
prim’s death in the hunger games has nothing on the shit collins pulled in the underland chronicles this is like a tiny chunk please read them
I love how Suzanne Collins never once glorifies war. It’s awful, it’s senseless, it’s traumatic. Both Katniss and Gregor reject their ridiculous status as war hero and go home deeply scarred and traumatised
And in these next 50 years you will eat so many delicious meals, laugh so many times with so many people you love, shout and scream and sing and cry and smile so hard your face hurts. And you will see such beautiful sunsets and feel fresh cold air on your face and feel warm and safe wrapped up in your favourite winter coat.
